Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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