I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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