oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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