so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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