I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
