i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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