like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
