theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
