I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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