okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Boobs are out for the taking
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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