Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Dear god my vagina.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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