I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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