what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
