True but thats because hes a fetus.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
