I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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