Who wears a wallet chain?!
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We left an ass print on the piano.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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