I never want to see another naked old woman again.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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