And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
