I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
