and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
