i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
