Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
