So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
