He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
