I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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