I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
