Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
