Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
