i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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