the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
