i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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