I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
