There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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