covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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