He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
