I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
