So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
