I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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