oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
My penis needs a shock collar
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
