i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You can't special order awesome
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
