so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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