he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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