Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
