He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
