Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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