saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
