The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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