im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
