Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
