did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
